When you were younger, did you say or think “l can’t wait until I am grown”. We had no clue what we were saying. We didn’t know the responsibilities and obligations that would occupy our lives once we became adults.

The phrase “put on your big girl panties” is so direct yet at the same time though. It implies that you are not handling business. You are acting childish or immature. In essence, it means to grow up and deal with whatever is going on in your life.

As victims of sexual trauma, it is understandable that some would feel comfortable and content to live in a neighborhood called victimhood. Some of the perks of living here are…

  • Not having to take responsibility for anything
  • Other people lavishing you with attention
  • Other people feeling sorry for you
  • Other people are less likely to criticize or upset you
  • You have the “right” to complain
  • You’re more likely to get what you want
  • You feel interesting because you get to tell people all of your stories
  • You don’t have to feel bored because there’s too much drama going on
  • You get to avoid and bypass anger because you’re too busy feeling sad

The victim mentality is when an individual perceives (becomes aware of) him/herself as the target of the trauma, tragedy, abuse, etc. to the point where it negatively affects his/ her well-being. This behavior is controlled by fear. Victims often identify with negative, self-defeating emotions such as shame, guilt, anger, resentment, etc.

At some point, we’ve got to shift our thoughts from feeling like a victim to realizing we must become true survivors.

If you want to be a true survivor, you’ve got to focus your attention less on the negative, and more on developing positive self-beliefs.

  • Stop blaming others. …
  • Be compassionate to yourself. …
  • Resist self-sabotage. …
  • Forgive and let go. …
  • Build self-confidence. …
  • Find the source of your learned helplessness.

Come on ladies it’s time to pack your things and move out of the victimhood neighborhood. Yes, you may miss your old friends, but realize you will gain healthier new friends.

Are you ready to get up and get dressed! Fix your face and slip on your best dress with your Big Girl Panties! Handle your business! You won’t regret it, this new neighborhood has all you need!

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